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Looking behind

When I look behind
sometimes I see only shadows
laced with pain
once in awhile
there is light and happiness
so many decisions
I regret making
for it made the path harder
and somehow lonlier
I never wanted this to happen
things just seem to happen this way
the future can only improve
I suppose
though it is difficult to believe
so much easier
to say here in my world
hiding from things
I am not sure of
this I'm used to
and change can be frightening
at times
I've been here so long
it seems my home
and outside is a foriegn land
I have never known love
I doubt I would recognize it
having been fooled so many times
I walk here in my shadows
watching the world beyond
and waiting quietly
just in case
I might be wrong

by: Karen Damon 1987